Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
