It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
she looked like the before picture.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Mom said you looked used
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
