If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
