You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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