Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
