I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
