mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
