I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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