can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
