Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
