I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
