the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
