i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
