im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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