i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
