just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
