You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
