She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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