i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
