I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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