Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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