i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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