The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
