Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
