i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Couch. On fire.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
