Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
