i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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