I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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