speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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