So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
