i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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