Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
