her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
