I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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