sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
