it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
