Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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