So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Text me some of your sweat
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