And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
