Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
