you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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