When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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