remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
