You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
