I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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