chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
