8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
