I hate your face
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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