I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
