Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
