not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
